Voyeuristic Musings

Posty Posterson Postitty Post Post

2009-06-10T21:28:49Z

I posted to livejournal! lol And I said titty.

But speaking seriously for a moment; I figured I'd just post a quick update, given the drastic turn my life is about to take.

In August I will unfortunately be let go by my current employer after two years of faithful service. It was a menial mindless desk job. And before it I actually held yet another menial mindless desk job for an additional three years. Five long years of call handling paper pushing data entering desk jockey-dom.

Anyway, so August. My addition to the national unemployment statistics just so happens to coincide with the start of the Fall semester at UCF. Which I will be attending... With living expenses covered... So no desk jockey jobs. No burger flipper jobs. Or trick turnin' jobs... For money, anyway ;) But just school. Like it used to be. The good old days before shit went to pot, much of it, I'm sad to say, my own fault.

So here's to second chances. Hope to have lots of fun along the way.

Sitcom Life

2008-03-18T02:37:19Z

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a situation comedy. Heartwood and I just today purchased cheap matching Swedish-made mini couches for our bedrooms.

I've always wanted a room couch since my futon-sleeping days ended with the donation of an actual mattress. But the clinching justification for the purchase was it's dual purpose nature. Not only is it great for sitting but it "unfolds" into a mattress. Extra crash space is always a plus ;)

Ok, so it's not the most comfortable sleeper sofa in the world, or the biggest (It holds 2-3 medium to small people), but it's still a perfect combination for my second splurge.

http://www.amazon.com/Peerless-Articulating-Wall-inch-Screens/dp/B000A2AGYS/

Which will allow me to swivel my 32" TV from facing my bed to facing the mini-couch. Yay! Mini personal home theater! ^_^

Testing...

2008-03-12T19:21:42Z

Just testing something out. Don't mind me.

!Financial Situation Critical! Initiate Emergency Procedures: "Welcome to Wal-Mart!"

2008-01-14T19:49:27Z

Ahhh, how the mighty have fallen. This puppy is in dire financial straits, my friends. And though I've been able to keep my indebtedness to others to a minimum, I am still quite jobless, penniless, and with little prospect. There just doesn't seem to be much call for a degree-less, certification-less, self-taught web developer here in Orlando. Which is perfectly understandable considering I can name off more people I know than I have fingers who are better qualified and can do the same sort of stuff right here in the general area.

But somehow I'm not worried. I never feel worry in these sorts of situations; Or defeat, or dread. It's always been my belief that these things have a way of working themselves out given time. Obviously it also takes effort, but I never pre-consider that effort's possible failure. Dwelling on what might go wrong or has gone wrong takes up valuable mental energy better spent figuring out what to do in those eventualities.

In short, I'll come out of this no worse for ware. I just may need to grab a McJob until something opens up. In the meantime, my pauper's diet is doing wonders for my weight. I really only eat one meal a day. I just split it up over the course of the day. Of course I spent and ate way more than I should have over this past weekend with so many folks from out of town to go to breakfast with. Con atmospheres always make me crave breakfast for some reason.

By the way, a huge thank you to everyone who was able to make our pre-party on Friday. It was awesome getting to see a lot of folks I haven't in a while, and some new folks I didn't know in the first place. And Saturday's party was rockin' too. Special thanks to the organizers of that as well.

Stay cool.

Compasionate Cops Capitulate Callous Code

2007-09-10T22:09:19Z

So yeah, I guess I should comment on the events of the other night, now that it's relatively common knowledge for anyone who reads my roomie's journal. As you may or may not know, Heartwood and I sojourned off into the be-nighted ghetto to rescue our inebriated friend from a fate worse than death; Prison ass rape.

He'd gotten lost somewhere along West Colonial in this wonderfully quaint neighborhood nestled between an after-school community center and a prison. Somehow he'd ended up sideways in a steep ditch. The cops inevitably showed up, they obviously felt bad for his sorry drunken ass, and let him off the hook.

There was also this little matter involving pot that the cops were nice enough to overlook. Sure, they made him dump it, but considering the draconian laws they were supposed to be enforcing, I give them kudos and thumbs up. You rock semi-liberal cops. And regardless of whether you felt sympathy for the plight of the incriminated smoker, or you just didn't feel like filling out all that bureaucratic paperwork nonsense, thank you.

The fact of the matter is that our friend here is an alcoholic, plain and simple. Morning to night he drinks. And I don't blame him for being an ass while he was drunk in this particular situation, I blame him for getting that drunk and eventually into that situation as he did. It's just my personal opinion. And I know my roomie feels slighted because of the things our friend said while drunk, but I hope he realizes it was all because he was drunk.

When you get that drunk, when you have no semblance of who you really are, where you are, and you act completely out of character, it's time to stop. I think our friend finally understood this that night. Or rather, he did by the next morning.

Speaking of detoxing, I think that's exactly what I'll be up to for the next few weeks. My back has been twisted in knots, I'm constantly tired and listless, and I've been getting these frequent headaches. All symptoms with the same cause; the miserable quality of my sleeping habits.

I've tried everything from ambient music to Nyquil, but I always end up tossing and turning and waking frequently and oversleeping. A perpetually altered mental state is my diagnoses. There isn't a moment of the day that I'm not fucked up on something, be it THC, alcohol, or caffeine. All things which induce an altered mental state, which coincidentally is exactly what sleeping is.

So now would be the perfect time for a little experiment. I'm cutting everything for a period of three weeks. No coffees, no sodas, no joints, no shooters, no bowls, no beers, no anything. The weed and alcohol will be easy to lose, seeing as how I can no longer get the weed and I've never had much of an addiction to alcohol. But the caffeine... The caffeine will be my undoing.

Of all three drugs, caffeine is the only one with which I have an obvious physical dependency. I've gone caffeine-free before... The withdraw process can be agonizing. I can expect my sleepless nights, listless days, and aches to worsen, predicated by a burning subconscious desire for the brown liquid.

Wish me luck!

Lofty Legacy

2007-07-24T14:30:17Z

As a person who believes that all we really leave behind once we die is a rotting corpse and a legacy of environmental and cultural impacts, this documentary really got to me. I think most people will also find it pretty darn interesting. It puts into visual perspective the sheer amount of crap the average person uses, produces, and interacts with throughout their entire lifetime.

The Human Footprint

Yes, it's British. The good documentaries always are.

Lately my legacy of impacts has been favoring the environmental and not nearly enough of the cultural. I need to create more stuff that benefits my fellow human beings. Whether it be art, book, or invention, I feel the need, as most people do, to propagate not just my genes but my ideas and ideology (Meme, anyone?) This is especially important to me since I probably won't be propagating my genes being, y'know, gay and all.

I find that people as a rule are generally selfish, individualistic creatures. Even our most altruistic actions have a seed of intemperance. If you've ever sought that warm fuzzy feeling (Mmmm, endorphins.) of helping another, you're guilty of this secret self-indulgence. The most altruistic action we can take, I think, is that which we will not see the true benefit of in our lifetimes. Working toward our legacies.

I hope to leave a generally favorable legacy, and if I plan on doing so I'd better get started strait away. To this end, I've got to start making some real changes in the way I live my life. To increase my cultural impact and decrease my environmental impact. To take less and leave more for future generations.

Decreasing my environmental impact is thankfully relatively easy with the help of conservation. Simple conservation probably won't help as much as I'd like, but y'know, we all can't live in plastic bubbles. But increasing my cultural impact, especially for someone as lazy and reserved and quiet as I am, will be a monumental task. Obviously I'm not going to start by getting on the five o'clock news tonight, or creating the next big internet meme. I have to start small, with simple force of personality.

Any business executive can tell you, having a strong force of personality will help tremendously in getting exactly what you want in life. And people with strong force of personality tend to leave larger cultural footprints in their wake, as compared to the quiet, reserved types. So in an effort to grow my own force of personality, I'm making a conscious effort to interact with more people on a daily basis. I think I'm already generally likeble. I'm open-minded, I avoid unnecessary confrontation, and when I want to I can strike a pretty decent conversation. The problem lies in overcoming my shy tendencies to accomplish this goal.

Just figured I'd share this with all of you. It's important, I think, to step back and examine how what we do impacts the world and what our legacies for the future might be at least a few times in our lives, because only we can change it.

Existential crisis averted.

Tidy Tutelage

2007-06-20T23:23:23Z

Well so much for that plan. I woke up far too late this morning. Not late for work, but definitely too late to consider running. I think I slept through my alarm, and the fact that I was drinking the night before didn't help. So from now on, weekdays, no going to bed sloshed.

Regardless! I still accomplished plenty today. I went for a sub for lunch and after work I had my car detailed. $42.39 when all was said and done.

Sub Sandwich:
$6.39

Car Wash & Detail:
$21.00

Cost to bribe the attendant into cleaning that gunk out of the bottom of the cup holders:
$15.00

Pina Colada Scent:
... priceless ...

Well, then I did spend an extra three bucks for parking on campus. I went in to see a counselor about resuming my furthered education. Definitely changing majors. Haaaaaaate computers now. I'm thinking either Marketing, Advertising, or Psychology. I could go either the high and poor route of Psychology, or the low and possibly money-printing businesses of Marketing and Advertising. Either way, all three jobs use pretty much the same skill set. We'll see. I apparently still have to be re-accepted before I'm allowed to change anything.

Oh, hey, I may be getting a fursuit of all things! I'm actually kind of stunned, really. I don't even know if I should talk about it, because I feel like the offer could be revoked at any minute. He was drunk when he agreed to build the suit for nothing but the cost of materials and some non-sexual favors. I just jokingly made an offer fully expecting him to laugh at it, but he said yeah. And this guy does some seriously kickass fursuit building work! He showed me the -first- head he did and I was blown away. Now I need a concept... I have no idea though. The closest thing to a drawing of any kind of character I've associated myself with is the LJ icon Preyfar did for me. So I'm not even sure I'd get a suit of MY character. There are better characters to be represented in the form of a fursuit, anyhow... I must think on this.

At least I have the free time at home all alone to do some concept sketching... *sigh*

Umbral Lambency

2007-06-19T23:58:50Z

Hi folks! You know I don't like to drop the f-bomb all too often (though I do at every opportunity), but I think this occasion warrants it. I feel FFFFFFFfucking fantastic!! No, really! And all I had to do was wake up at the literal crack of dawn instead of rolling out of bed and plopping down for work ten minutes after I was supposed to start. And I actually did work today! Instead of fixing people's problems as they came whilst farting around on this here internets, I did shit! I took initiative and got some things done I had told my boss would've taken me weeks. And I left the apartment! By myself, no less! I went for coffee in the morning, and Panera for lunch (I missed the deli sammiches I got when I worked at the office), and I went shopping after work for some things I had been neglecting to get for a long time.

However, I did kind of neglect my roommates today. While I was working I locked myself in my room, and instead of going places with them, I went off and did my own stuff. But I needed it. I've been locked in this apartment with the same three people for WEEKS. And none of us really GO to a work, so we're here. Always. And when we do go places we always go together. I've been living a collective life and neglecting my own in the process. Had to change that.

In other news, I was supposedly going to have a dinner date today. But while I was out shopping after work I left my phone at home and missed his text message, so he made other plans =/ He promised to reschedule though.

In other other news, one of the things I picked up from the store today was a brand new, considerably smaller smoking apparatus. I figured it was time I finally retired ol' Puff, my water pipe. I'm the only person who really smokes around here anymore and I'm trying to cut back, so there's no sense in keeping the big thing. I think I'll give it to Ted. He'll make good use of it, but so help me he'd better take good care of it. Haven't named the new piece yet, though.

I also picked up running shoes and these awesome specialized running socks that I can't really describe but feel awesome all the same. I'm going to wear them with my sandals. I don't care what people say about wearing socks with sandals, it's damn comfortable! It's just unfortunate that people see someone with socks and sandals and instantly think, "Ewww, there's something gross and wrong with that man's feet." C'mon people, it's the comfort of a shoe with the freedom of a sandal.

Anyway, anyway, I was planning to continue my regiment of waking up at 6, except starting tomorrow I think I'll start running in the park before work. Actually I had this crazy idea in mind... Back in college I was only really regular with my exercise because I made it a game, and kind of a necessity. I'd leave my apartment 30 minutes before class started and try to make it the six or so miles to campus before I was marked late. I ended up jogging / walking / running (when I woke up late) to class every morning and it was fun. So I think starting now I'll drive down to the YMCA in the morning, then walk the two or three miles back to the apartment before I have to start work at 8. Then after work, I'll walk the two or three miles back, pick up my car, and then come home to shower because I'm sure I'll smell like ass by then. From there I'll try to cut the trip shorter and shorter until I'm forced to haul ass to get home before I have to sign in to work.

Hey, I heard this song for the first time today and I can't stop playing it.

But I like Five For Fighting, so that explains a lot. Temporal themes and mounting instrumentals in my musics. Kickass

Artistic Butthole

2007-04-13T14:00:39Z

So this morning I was bored at work, waiting for my paycheck to show up, when I started idly doodling on the backs of some junk faxes. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that at one time I drew pretty prolifically. I have an entire backpack's-worth of crap I drew in high school and early college (Though I'm remiss to mention it because I refuse to show a single soul). It's just furry stuff, mostly. But the point is that I up and stopped at one point three years ago because I wasn't seeing any progress in the quality of my artwork. *shrugs* I was in a slump.

Actually, I've been through cycles of rut and renaissance since before I can remember. My mother still keeps these old pads of newspaper paper that I'd sequentially marked up with little literary scenes as a toddler because I'd wanted to write books, but didn't know how to write yet. But I've noticed that every time I've found myself in one of these artistic ruts, stopped, and then started again, I seemed to shake the rut.

It's like I'll learn a particular method for say, anatomy. If it works well enough, I'll continue to use it, but my art never changes for it. It takes change over time to improve, so it's safe to say if I never changed, my art never improved. But I could force myself to change by quitting for just awhile. I'd forget just enough that I'd be forced to try something different when I started up again.

Well this has got to be my longest slump yet. Three years without putting pencil to paper for any better reason than writing a grocery list. After the second year I simply figured I'd never draw again. That I'd just lost too much of it to easily pick it back up. Which leads me back to those faxes...

Maybe I'll just leave it at that and make another post on the subject when I actually have something to show for it. But I'll say this at least. I still got it, baby.

Avoiding Work Maximizing Play

2007-04-09T16:04:42Z

Do I only make posts at work? Jeez, I do! I must be really bored at work, or have too much of an appreciation for my time off to warrant 'wasting' any of it typing up inane journal entries.

Regardless, I just wanted to say thank you to Lace and Herbie and all of the other folks I hung out with at the party Friday night. Was it Friday? I was kind of in a haze that night ;)

Didn't do much else over the weekend. I spent Easter at home with Mallymoot. I was considering paying my mom a visit in Tampa, but after calling her I figured I'd just go over another day. She wasn't doing anything, and she's right in the middle of remodeling her kitchen, so things are a bit hectic.

It'll be weird eventually going home to find the kitchen of my childhood completely different though.

Ah, an old friend of Heartwood and I's came over last night. We hadn't seen Bobby in forever, but it was nice catching up with him. He's a huge non-furry flamer (Though he collects all things My Little Pony) artist we'd met at UCF. You just can't help but act a little more queer around him. It's infectious! Damn Gay Agenda at work XD

Anyhow, back to work. I'll get to my opinion entry eventually.

Miraculous Infection

2007-04-05T16:41:03Z

Well, I'm all better now. Just as soon as my infection came, she went (My infections are always female). This is just the reason why I dislike seeing doctors when I get sick. My boss always insists I go in to get some medicine the first day I feel crappy, but I know that 90% of the time I'll be right as rain in two or three days, and those pills I just spent $20 on will go into the cabinet to never see the light of another day.

The only time I'll typically see a doctor is if I've been sick a week or more. Or if it keeps coming back. That's just the way I was raised. "Oh, you've got a fever of 103 and you're vomiting blood? Well fuck that, it's only the first day you've been sick! Now take this echenacia, grab your book bag, and get to the bus stop before you miss it. March!"

Now speaking of inflammations, I feel like making an inflammatory post at some point. Nothing sick or outrageous, just controversial. Y'know, just my stance on politics, or the war on drugs, or string theory. I need an outlet for debate. I just won't be making a post like that now. I'm at work, and I'm sure any opinion piece I write will make 'War and Peace' look like the cliff notes for 'Lets Learn Our ABC's'.

The Crud

2007-04-02T15:15:26Z

Well I was right. That funky taste in my mouth was indicative of an oncoming upper respiratory infection. I've been deep in the crud since about Friday night, so my weekend was kind of shait. Why does it seem like I always get sick on the weekends? It used to be that in school, I'd always get sick right before a field trip. I mean, like consistently, to the point where my teachers questioned whether I intentionally avoided field trips. Maybe all my illnesses are psychosomatic. Like my brain goes, "Oh no, there's fun on the horizon. Better feel like crap!" Oh god, maybe I'm actually a hypochondriac! Oh god! Does me considering myself a hypochondriac make me one?!

Regardless, sorry to all the folks I didn't get a chance to talk to / hang out with while I was zonked out in bed with a fever.

I'm actually at work atm, unfortunately. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for yet another Monday off. According to my boss, people who consistently fake illness to get out of work usually take Mondays off, to extend their weekends. And just by the shear fact that my boss pointed this little gem out to me, I will NOT be taking another Monday off anytime soon, regardless of how much I'm dieing.

So here I sit, all leaky and fevery with not but a blister pack of Dayquil and a bottle of orange juice to keep me going. I'd so kill for some chicken soup...

Everlasting Werthers Original?

2007-03-29T03:11:01Z

For several days I've had this weird taste in my mouth. Not really a bad taste per se. Actually, it just tastes like sweet cream. You know, like of the milk variety you dirty perv XD But after days of sweet cream taste you tend to get sick of cream. I won't even touch milk now if I can help it. Brushing, mouthwash, soda, food, nothing helps. It'll go away for a little bit if I cover it up with something strong enough, but it always comes back, just under the back of my tongue.

Now I'm starting to get worried! I only get strange lingering tastes in my mouth right before I get sick, or right after. But never cream, and so far I feel fine. Could I be lactose intolerant now, and this is some bizarre symptom? Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon. God, I hope when I kiss people I don't taste like a Werthers Original or something.

Confrontation

2007-03-25T03:08:01Z

Oh, I do have one thing that I meant to mention! It's sort of an opinion question. You see, I have this friend, see. No one any of you might know, but a friend of mine none the less. Please don't think this is intentional drama, though! I try to avoid that crud at all costs, but sometimes it finds me.

Y'see, this friend recently said some stuff in an effort to come between my roommate and I I think. My roommate and this friend have been kind of, off and on, at odds with each other for some time and I guess it just came to a head one night when my friend lost his cool and told my roommate some stuff he supposedly said I said about him. Confused yet? I sure as hell am. I have no idea where this came from.

Needless to say I was pissed at this friend, and anytime I'm pissed at someone, I just tend to ignore them until we both inevitably cool down, then talk about it. It's my way of avoiding heated confrontation. Problem is, this friend lives for confrontation. It started with me avoiding his phone calls and IMs immediately after the incident, but eventually he just got nasty. He began calling me names, threatening me, and just generally being a shithead by calling me out because I refuse to talk to him.

That's completely put me off of him. He's freaking me out now, and making it so much worse for himself. I'm ignoring him for far longer than I initially intended. It's gotten to the point where I have to question my friendship with him. I mean, not really. It's hard to lose my friendship, but Jesus he's trying hard. He's being just the kind of asshole bully I try to avoid. I will make up with him eventually, I'm sure, but I don't think I could ever view him exactly the same way again...

Am I being unreasonable? Is he?

Hole Foods

2007-03-25T02:45:59Z

Sorry I missed the deadline for that last update again. From now on, just don't hold me to my word when it comes to posting on a schedule ;)

Not much to report today, though. I finally managed to drag Heartwood to Whole Foods, where we picked up stereotypical yuppie bachelor chow. Beer, hummus, pita chips, etc. I got some sushi to eat for dinner, along with a summer roll and this delicious crab bisque.

Played that game I bought the other day at Best Buy for awhile. Aaaaaand, I cleaned some, though that didn't go very far after I got high.

Wow, I really need to refrain from posting unless I have something interesting to say, or else this could get very tedious. And then I blinked. And I blinked again. Aaaaaaand, another blink.

Mmmm, I remember why I didn't post yesterday. I went to a little get-together with a few furs. Erf, it was super late though, and I was hellah tired. Sorry guys, if I was a little quiet =/ Thanks again for showing me that instant messenger phone app, Static!

Cadburry Creme Ass

2007-03-23T13:32:15Z

I know I mentioned that I'd be updating yesterday after I'd gotten home from work, but much like Towley, I kinda got high and just... wandered off. Nah, yesterday was pretty uneventful. I bought a game at Best Buy, and just sort of played that all afternoon.

Oh! I did happen to go also to Walgreens with Heartwood so he could pick up some stuff, and what else happened to be there? Why, none other than that seasonal delight, the Cadburry Egg. So I goaded Heartwood into grabbing me a few, since he was getting some for himself. Well, let me tell you, I must have the most selective memory on the planet, or be really susceptible to seasonal marketing, because I'd completely forgotten that Cadburry Creme Eggs taste like ass. Like a lump of gooey wet sugar, ensconced in a waxy quasi-chocolate shell.

Cadburry Egg, I rebuke thee forever... Or at least until I forget all about it 'round about sometime next Easter. At least I didn't get any peeps *shudders* Their cold dead stare...

I woke up late for work this morning, unfortunately. I'd tried to get to sleep earlier last night and set my alarm to wake me up an hour earlier than I usually roll our of bed. Won't be trying that again anytime soon. I apparently shut the alarm off in my sleep and rolled over, snoozing until 7:45, 15 minutes before I had to be at my desk. Thank god I'm the first person here every morning. It's gotten me out of a few tight places like that ;)

Speaking of work, I am here and technically supposed to be working. I'll update when I get home this time, I promise.

Usurper to the Throne

2007-03-22T13:33:44Z

Who is Daugvolf, or Daug for short? Me, of course! But more to the point, Daugvolf is an alter ego of mine, created with the express purpose of anonymously representing me once again in the livejournaling community.

To make a long story short, I at one point had a livejournal and became aware that my family, coworkers, and most annoyingly of all, my boss may have known of it's existence, and because I tend to make deep, philosophical, often drug-induced posts, that was obviously something I didn't want. It was removed promptly, along with any trace of my previous alter ego left on teh interwebs.

So in an effort to avoid that again, I've created a new email address and livejournal and nowhere in either will my real name or the pseudo name I previously used be written. If you've been added to my friends list, you know who I am. If you don't, I live with Heartwood and Malamute. That should be enough. Also, I ask that any of you who do know my identity not post it in any comments just in case I'm 'Googled'. Other than that, for all intents and purposes, I am Daugvolf and if you're new to my journal and circle of friends, I've always been Daugvolf. *winkwink*

Now that that's out of the way, let me start by saying I hope to god (whom I don't actually believe in) that Daugvolf doesn't remotely sound like some German word for penis or something. That would just be too hilarious. Please German people, let me know if that's the case.

Anyhow, I'm at work and technically supposed to be working. Expect a little more background exposition on my life since teh interwebs purge when I get home this afternoon.